“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Stephen Covey

Meeting people is easy. In addition to the traditional ways like clubs, societies, existing friends, and other social groups, we now have the internet too. And provided we’re prepared to get out of our comfort zones, it shouldn’t be too hard.

But getting along with the people we meet is another matter. It’s something a lot of us struggle with. Ultimately, it all comes down to developing social intelligence. And ultimately, that comes down to three things:

Relax

Relationships aren’t meant to be taken seriously. So whenever it comes to approaching others, do as Thich Nhat Hanh suggested: “Smile, breathe and go slowly.” Don’t fold your arms, cross your legs, or scrunch up your face. Be approachable by keeping your body language open. Put your arms at your sides, stand up straight, and lean a little forward. Know that they will enjoy your company.

Listen

Most of us try too hard to come up with clever things to say. But instead of worrying about your words, why not shut up and take a minute to listen? Take an interest in what they do and who they are. It starts with remembering their names but goes a lot further. Ask a lot of questions and encourage them to talk about their lives and the things they’re going through. You’ll be surprised just how much diversity and depth lies beneath the surface.

Connect

This is the main aim of relationships. In this context, it starts with maintaining eye contact (without staring) but also goes a lot further. The goal is to connect with the thoughts and feelings other people are having. Oftentimes, rephrasing something they’ve said is a good way to show you understand the emotion behind the message. They’ll be far more inclined to connect with you if you’re prepared to show this level of commitment.

“No man ever listened himself out of a job.” – Calvin Coolidge

(For more resources and tips, download your free copy of “Work in Progress” exclusively from www.varsityblah.com/about)

“The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.” – Sir William Bragg

It’s often been asked whether successful people are born or made. There’s no denying our biochemical makeup can affect our performance. And as far as genetics go, sometimes we get lucky and sometimes we don’t. What do you think? Is that all there is to it or do other factors like determination and the will to make it matter more?

(Eugene Yiga is the editor of Varsity Blah and his latest book is available free, exclusively from www.varsityblah.com/about)