“One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.” – Kurt Vonnegut

It’s official…I’m hooked on 24! How this managed to happen only now is actually quite beyond me. Anyway, I took the time to catch up and all the episodes and can’t wait for season 7. In the meantime, I thought I’d offer some lessons 24 (and a few of my other favourite shows) can teach us about life.

The good guys can be bad. Put another way, not everyone should be trusted completely. Yes, it would be nice to live in a world of “full disclosure”, but that world doesn’t exist. Everyone has secrets (Desperate Housewives), not everything is quite as it seems (Lost), and even people on your team can have hidden agendas (Dexter, anyone?).

The bad guys can be good. Even though you’d like to think of your sworn enemies as, well, sworn enemies, sometimes they can come in handy. Usually, they have all sorts of information that could very well save the world. Of course, getting them to cooperate might require a bit of persuasion. (If the shock tactics fail, try a signed presidential pardon. They’re bound to talk with a little immunity).

Bureaucracy sucks. Nobody likes having to go through layer after layer to get the job done. And nobody likes having to deal with a boss (or “Division”) who gets caught up in details, losing sigh of the bigger picture. Like is often the case in Boston Legal or House, sometimes you have to break the rules and use unconventional tactics to get the job done. It’s for the greater good.

Delegation rocks. It’s amazing how things get done so much faster and better when you’ve got the right people in the right positions. Everyone knows what they’re good at and makes sure their specialities come in handy. The only way to solve the case in CSI is by working together as a team. And where would Entourage’s Ari be without contacts like Dana, Harvey, and a patient assistant like Lloyd?

Nothing is sacred. Basically, there’s no such thing as “off limits”. Everything is fair game and anything can happen. Lead characters get killed (Prison Break), innocent guys go to jail (My Name is Earl), and seemingly perfect couples break up (Scrubs). And if Nip/Tuck has taught us anything, it’s that anything’s possible (even growing an ear on the back of a mouse).

It ain’t over ‘til it’s over. No matter how bad things get, there’s always a way out. No matter how absolutely impossible the situation may seem, backup is just around the corner (and usually there right before you get shot). There’s always a way to solve the case and save the day. As long as you’ve got the right guy in charge, it’ll happen.

(Eugene Yiga is the editor of Varsity Blah and his latest book is available free, exclusively from www.varsityblah.com/about)

“He who covets is a poor man, because he wants what he cannot get; but he who has nothing and covets nothing is rich, though you may think him no more than a peasant.” – Geoffrey Chaucer

Apple’s had quite a year; from the January unveiling of its iPhone to the brouhaha surrounding the June launch to the recent talk of production cutbacks. So, was it all just a case of overheated hype or was the iPhone actually worth the drama? Well, I’m not here to talk about merit of the product itself simply because it’s not available in South Africa and so I honestly can’t say. As far as I know, it might very well be the best thing ever. Then again, it might not.

What I do want to talk about is something a little more disturbing. It’s bad enough that so many people got so sucked into the frenzy that the thought of waiting a few months for the price to come down didn’t cross their minds. More troubling were the queues. It was quite a shock to see scores of wannabe customers lining the streets and camping outside stores for days on end just to make sure they got in on the action. All this for a phone(!)

Wasn’t that a little too much? I tried thinking of something I want so badly I’d be prepared to literally sleep outside just to have. It took a while and all I could come up with were tickets to see Red Hot Chilli Peppers or Josh Groban performing live. And even those don’t count because they’re more about the experience as opposed to owning whatever widget everyone’s dying to get their hands on.

I guess the lesson here is not to get caught up in hype because things come and go all the time. A few years ago everyone went nuts over Lost. A year later it was Prison Break. Now it’s Heroes. Even the Emmy Awards aren’t immune to following the trend. Everyone’s gone gaga over Ugly Better but who knows what’ll be next? How long before it loses its lustre the way Desperate Housewives did? And do you still remember who won the last season of Idols or Survivor SA? What about who came in second? Where are these people now? Does anyone even care?

Any weekend trip to the mall (something I avoid at all costs) offers even more proof. So many people get so obsessed with the latest fashion; a growing number of whom are too young to understand the concept of “vogue”, let alone how to spell it. First it was all things pink. Then it was the contradictory craze of Ugg Boots/mini skirts for girls and t-shirts/scarves for guys. Now it’s onto what can only be described as zebra chic. How long before all that is usurped by the next big thing?

Even more dangerous than buying into hype is choosing to let “things” define you. I can’t help but wonder whether the one million people who have bought the iPhone in the past few months did so because they really thought it was a great product or because they wanted to feel some sense of satisfaction. I also can’t help but wonder how many of them are actually still happy with their purchase (assuming they ever were) or if they’re now obsessing over something else.

The same goes for everyone who’s ever bought a house, a car, or even a new pair of designer jeans because they thought it would make them happy. I’m guessing that feeling didn’t last long. How could it? At the end of the day, you can accumulate as much stuff as your garage (or closet) can accommodate and it probably won’t change a thing. It really doesn’t matter. The colours will fade and the technology will change. All that will remain is you. Now that’s something worth buying into.

(Eugene Yiga is the editor of Varsity Blah and his latest book is available free, exclusively from www.varsityblah.com/about)